His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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