We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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