Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
