dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
