good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
