Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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