i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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