Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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