hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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