i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
