The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
