Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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