no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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