Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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