Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
