you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
