Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
