remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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