I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
