yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We have started to decorate penises.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
