i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
