I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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