he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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