I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
