Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
