When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
