Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
