just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
