how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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