in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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