I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
