i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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