During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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