his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
