my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
