Only a mothe r could love this liver
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
