well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
