It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
