it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
