im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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