Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's always time for handjobs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
