i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
