If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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