He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
