oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
