Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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