So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
