Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
