Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
