so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
