Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
